Pleasure as a renewable resource?
Can you acknowledge that pleasure is a renewable resource? Just like good music, it’s not better when it’s rare.
Right now, we deal with sex like we deal with commodities; we focus on outcome, we expect pleasure to be rare and we hold opposing interests to our partners. What if we collectively imagined sex as a lifetime of improvisations, some good, some not so good - all process driven, all pleasurable, all collaborative with the intention of learning and exploring?
In the hustle and bustle of modern life, it’s easy to often forget the true value of pleasure. You work tirelessly to achieve goals, meet deadlines, and be productive, but in doing so, you often overlook the importance of simple joy. Pleasure isn’t just a frivolous indulgence. It serves as a powerful renewal resource - one that replenishes energy, inspires creativity, and cultivates resilience.
Think about it: when you allow yourself to experience pleasure - whether through music, art, food, or a moment of intimacy - you create a space where your nervous system can relax and rejuvenate. In this way, pleasure becomes not only an enjoyable experience but a resource for renewal, and a simple yet highly underrated way to counterbalance stress.
I often speak to my clients about the immense pleasure found in spontaneity and improvisation. As we all know, striving for perfectionism can be consuming and, most of the time, leads to disappointment.
To be good at improvisation, whether it be in sex or music, you need to practice. At first, you’re new, nervous and awkward, you might get overly excited. You may think you know your tools, but you might not know what you don’t know. So, the requirement to practice is necessary. You practice by yourself and you practice with other people.
Practice makes us all less self-conscious, more knowledgeable, more skilful and more in the moment. And by regularly practicing, we’re suddenly able to experience more of life’s offerings in greater depth.
And I get it, no one ever taught us how to practice practicing. We were just expected to know how to repeat processes. It’s exhausting, not to mention scary… feelings of fear of failure, abandonment, disgust etc. can creep up.
However, innovation in sex happens when you purposely ditch your habits. Just because something works doesn’t mean you do that the same way in the same order every time. Great sex requires more presence than perfection. You have to surrender and allow yourself to be moved by the experience felt by mind and body.
The Power of Play in Pleasure
One of the most profound ways pleasures renews us is through play. Like improvisation in music, play is a creative process where we let go of expectations and just allow ourselves to be. There is no predetermined outcome (sure, some structure is encouraged if not vital!), and that’s precisely why it’s so refreshing. When we engage in playful activities, including playful sex, we activate the same parts of the brain that respond to pleasure. In a way, we enter a state of “flow,” where we’re so immersed in this fun, new, adventurous experience that time seems to disappear. This is when the renewal happens—the moment we break free from our to-do lists, our what’s-going-to-happen-next lists and simply exist in the bliss of the present.
How to Embrace Pleasure as a Resource
Engage in Spontaneous Activities
Pleasure absolutely thrives in the unexpected. Whether it’s a spur-of-the-moment trip away or joining in with your partner’s end-of-day shower, embrace the pleasure in spontaneity. The less you try to formulate each moment, the more you’ll experience joy in the present. Magic is full time, if you let it be.Prioritize Play
We often associate play with children but it’s just as, if not more, important for adults. Make time to engage in playful activities either alone or with partner(s) - be it games (I love a good wrestling match!), creative endeavours (body safe pens in the bed room for example), or just exploring something new (perhaps that kink that you’ve been fantasising about?). This playful energy is incredibly empowering.Cultivate Presence
Pleasure can only be truly experienced when we’re present. It’s ironic how getting stuck in our heads can be such a distracting thing to do. Less brain thinking, more body feeling, please – allow yourself to be fully immersed in whatever is bringing you joy.Make Pleasure Part of Your Routine
While pleasure doesn’t need to be rigid or scheduled, making space for it regularly helps to create a rhythm in your life. Incorporate simple pleasures—like a morning cup of coffee, a leisurely walk, or listening to your favourite music—into your daily routine.Don’t Be Afraid to Experiment
Pleasure, like improvisational music, requires a willingness to explore new possibilities. Don’t be afraid to try new things, especially if you’re looking to spice up your connection with yourself or a partner!
Conclusion: Life as a Symphony of Pleasure – Sex, Pleasure, and Improvisation
Pleasure isn’t just a luxury; its life affirming. It’s a renewable resource that helps us recharge, restore, and reconnect to ourselves and one another. When we explore sexually, we’re not on opposite sides. Instead, like musicians in a jam session, we’re collaborators and everyone is invested in everyone else’s enjoyment as well as their own. We end up taking care of each other instead of taking advantage. When we frame sex as an open-ended experience it stops being a commodity. We can value the experience and be freer to experiment, to express ourselves, be more authentic with ourselves and our partners and take calculated risks.
When you embrace the freedom, spontaneity and creativity that your eroticism and sexuality holds, you tap into this resource. A resource that’s endlessly available at your finger tips.
